Carry On, Getting Angry

This should be my last post, but I have decided that I quite like all this ranting at the computer screen. It allows me to be sarcastic and abusive without offending people, unless, of course you’re a pensioner, a partner,  a sister, a driver, or an orange.

So I will be carrying on with my blog and will no doubt get pissed off about something in the next few days, so keep your eyes peeled for my next one, and in the mean time feel free to have a read through the rest.

Speak soon

from the Angry Lady

May 14, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Top Ten

Today I am relatively happy, and have a little spring in my step. But that is not the kind of thing my fellow angry people want to hear about, so I have decided to make this post about my top ten things that annoy me, (probably on a weekly or in fact, daily basis).

TOP TEN

  1. Number one on my list, has to be people who don’t indicate at roundabouts. The amount of times I have nearly had an accident, because some wanker can’t be arsed to flick a switch.
  2. I hate it that your never the same dress size in all the shops, do they not realise that this seriously messes with a womans confidence issues. I wonder how many people have contemplated suicide because H&M made their arse a few inches bigger overnight.
  3. I can,t stand people who chew like a horse, I mean, for crying out loud, shut your mouth when you eat.
  4. This one may just happen to me, but I always seem to find that my car battery dies on a weekly basis, honestly it happens all the time. Especially when I’m in a hurry.
  5. “Go compare, go compare” I f**cking hate that advert, it really makes my blood boil. I would love for that fat old man to jump out of my car or start shouting through my letterbox, because I would stick my finger straight in his eye. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xcqkb7_gocompare-com-advert_shortfilms
  6. I have to include crisp packets somewhere. But I wont bore you again with how much they annoy me.
  7. I get all worked up when I am trying to think of a song, or someones name and its on the tip of your tongue, yet you can’t for the life of you remember what it is.
  8. Pumping! I can’t stand people who pump, then don’t own up. For starters you stink and the rest of the room just slyly look about wondering who it was. Just shout out “it was me” then the rest of us wont have to wonder. It saves the awkwardness.
  9. The sister. Now I am going to put her further down the list, because I love her, but christ she is a pain in the arse. Its like having an extra child to look after. Luckily she has huge feet though, so she can’t borrow and wreck my shoes.
  10. I have come to realise over the course of this blog that being angry at something keeps me sane. Therefore my number ten is: I get angry, not having anything to be angry about!

Let me know your top 3 things that get you angry.

May 13, 2010. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

Men and Shopping

Today I thought to myself, “I know I will spend some time with the other half today” as I have been neglecting him a bit, because of uni work lately. So I asked if he would like to have a nice day shopping and stop somewhere nice for dinner.

Next time, I won’t bloody bother! He followed me about like a twelve-year old boy shopping for school shoes, and constantly had his eyes glued to his phone. Honestly it was liking taking a huffy child shopping.

Now the final straw came when, the nice lunch I had mentioned, turned into him wanting to grab a Greggs pasty. For christ sake, if your going to take a lady to lunch, steer clear of Greggs or McDonalds, it’s a frigging insult.

As soon as I heard the word Greggs, I was like “right let’s go back to the car now, I’m done”.

This is not the end of the story though… When we arrived back home I had a bit of a stomp about, and was like “well you may aswell nick off out with your pals now, coz I’m still pissed off with you.”  He actually picked up the car keys and went straight out! So yes ladies I have been abandoned and left starving, which is why I am blogging (to pass the time, until he gets back and I can ring his neck).

Are all men like this, surely some of them like to go shopping, and even if they don’t, they wouldn’t turn down a nice dinner and a pint, would they?

On the plus side I did manage to come home with quite a few bags of goodies, but this has still really pissed me off for the day.

Now I want to know if you think I have been cruel, because in my opinion he has just been really ungrateful.

May 12, 2010. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

I Hate my Scales

For the last two weeks my scales have been my worst enemy. I am desperately trying to lose weight for my holidays and it just isn’t happening. Now I wouldn’t bother if I was sat on my arse like a cabbage, eating everything in sight, but I am really trying (honest).

For the last 4 weeks I have had a personal trainer twice a week, and she literally kills me. For the first week I was crying when I walked up the stairs. I also do 2 sessions a week cardio. Now this alone should shed pounds, but no, the scales have stayed the same and although my body fat has dropped, this is of no comfort to me.

I have eaten nothing but salad, salad and more bloody salad for weeks now. You may aswell stick me in a hutch and give me some F**cking fluffy ears. 

I am developing muscles, so I must having a stunning body, just its underneath the wobbly one I’m wearing now 😦 So I have resorted to hiding my scales in the cupboard and I am going to bring out the tape measure, which I can’t imagine being a very pleasant experience.

It’s not fair my body has went on bloody strike and I’m going on holiday in 6 wks. Does it not realise it needs to get in a bikini and strut about the beach. Honestly your just blessed or you’re not 😦

May 8, 2010. Uncategorized. 11 comments.

Weird Phobia

For years now I have had a weird phobia of crisp packets, yes that’s right, crisp packets. In fact it’s not quite a phobia it just really makes my blood boil when people crinkle them, I don’t mind the actual crunching on a crisp, just the rattle of the packet.

 Imagine someone has really pissed you off and you just want to whack them one, and you get that surge of rage, just before you do it. Well that’s how I feel for the full, however many minutes it takes, to eat a packet of bloody crisps.

I am writing this now because my boyfriend is sitting munching away on a packet of Disco’s and I just want to rip his head off. Of course he actually makes it worse for me, as he is aware of this stupid phobia, so he will take ages and tends to push his hand right in the packet and wiggle it about. AGGHHH! just writing about it makes me want to explode.

I am not sure were this unusual phobia actually stemmed from but I would love to know if there is anyone else out there that has  the same anxiety about eating a packet of Quavers. Or indeed, a weirder phobia.

Let me know 🙂

May 8, 2010. Uncategorized. 17 comments.

Div’nt Dunch Me or A’ll Gan to Premiere

The title of my post today ( incase you’re not from Newcastle Upon Tyne), is a popular jingle played on the local radio for a garage. Now I have been singing this little jingle all day. Not because I particularly like it, but because not one, but two people have dunched my car today and I am now going to become Premiere’s latest customer. And I know what your thinking “that’s strange are you sure it wasnt your fault” well no it wasnt.  On both occasions my car was stationary and parked adequately.

The first incident happened in a car park. I parked and went into a shop and come out swinging my bag of goodies all happily …. and then I saw it!  All along the side of my car was somebody elses paint work, honestly it could have passed for a racing stripe, it was that big.

The best thing about it  though, was that the car that had obviously done it, was parked right in the next bay. Now call me daft but if you drive into somebody elses car and nobody see’s, flee the f**cking scene. It’s common sense. (Take note: hitting people, is very different)

The second scenario was very much the same as a previous post I did, involving a video of  two women: Road Rage Issues. I think I may have slightly jinxed myself here.

I was parked in a bay in Macdonald’s, (literally 5 mins after the first incident) stirring the sweetener into my cuppa when an old man came edging along the side of my car. As he opened the door to his car, BANG, straight into my passenger door, and not just a tap, (which I admittedly do all the time) but an almighty slam straight into the side.

Now I jumped out the car and shouted ” Ha, you didn’t expect me to be sitting in it, did you? ” feeling all pleased because I had caught the destructive twat red-handed. However he just jumped in his car and drove off quick, without a solitary word. Leaving a big dent in my side door.

Now I was thinking, shall I run after the car shouting and risk looking like a screaming crazy woman, or should I leap head first into the car for a notepad and pen to catch the reg. I went for the latter.

 I was sat afterwards in the car, sipping my coffee talking to myself in anger, thinking about how careless and ignorant drivers are when it comes to other peoples cars. Now I dont have no Lamborghini or anything, but cars cost lots of money and this has really pissed me off. So from now on I am not going to let people get away so lightly.

Next time I will stalk the car out to find the owner, if someone bumps me whilst parking and I will scrape my key right along their car. And when someone SLAMS their door into mine, I might just do what the lady did out of the video in my previous post.

So BEWARE destructive drivers, I am out to get you!

April 27, 2010. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

Volcanic Ash Chaos

ASH CRISIS

Now I normally tend to complain, about the daft little things that bother me personally each day. However, I really need to have a rant about all this chaos the Daft Volcano in Iceland has caused me and my loved ones. 

Imagine you have a partner that is in the Navy and you can only see them for one week, every 6 months.  😦  Now imagine that for that one week,  you fork out for a luxury holiday in Dubai. I know it sounds lovely and dead exciting doesn’t it ?

Now, your on your way to the Airport on Thursday morning peeing your pants with excitement, only to be told  “Go home, your not going anywhere”

This is exactly what happened to my poor little sister.  So although this did not happen to me, I am none the less damaged! I have spent the last week with a manic depressant, and have spent a fortune on numerous meals, nights out and even a trip to a climbing centre, where she actually considered climbing to the top and jumping.

However after another £1800 (paid by the poor boyfriends overdraft) and 3 more flights later. I can happily say she is now lounging about in the sun in Dubai, whilst I am stuck in scabby Newcastle, with a boyfriend who can’t get to work or earn any money for our holiday, as he works on a oil rig only accessible by Helicopter 😦

So personally I have been left depressed and skint by this bloody Volcano and I am sure many of you have too. Let me know your stories. It helps to talk about it ;(

April 25, 2010. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

Dont Judge a Book by its Cover

We all have them, mine is normally (in fact always) a Sunday. A day when you just could not give a shit and throw on the nearest hoodie, put your hair in a knot and don’t even bother with any make-up or perfume.

 But the other day, after a very heavy drinking session the night before, I decided to nip to Boots at Silverlink, ( in my car though), which somehow makes it seem more allowed.

Now as I was looking about I got sick of the staff asking if I needed help and  following me about. Now to be fair I did look like a complete skank and I also had my 3yr old with me, which in the eyes of  shop assistants clearly means you’re a single mother who’s out to chore all their St Tropez and Rimmel.

Now my child was NOT kicking off  in a Mamas & Papas with a Greggs sausage roll in her mouth, nor was I roaming about looking suspicious (or at least I didn’t mean too). Is it my fault if I’m an indecisive shopper and like to browse a lot? It’s a very hard decision deciding what conditioner or face wash to use.

Now I was totally humiliated as I realised what they must have been assuming and got sick of them following me about pretending to tidy the already immaculate shelf of Herbal Essence and asking  “Can I help you madam” , “Yes you can help me Fuck off and let me do my shopping”.

Is it wrong to have a hangover and just have a rough-looking day ?

Let me know if any of you have experienced this sort of humiliation, or is it just me that looks like a chavvy shoplifter on my rough days ?

April 6, 2010. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

A Juicy Squirt in the Eyeball

So I am one of these people who try to eat my 5 a day and love the odd apple, pear or carrot stick. But today I decided I fancied a change and opted for the lovely big orange in the  fruit bowl. But NEVER AGAIN!

Upon peeling the orange I was rudely squirted in the eyeball by projectile citrus juice.

Now this stings like a twat!  I was jumping about rubbing my eye wincing in pain and it is still all red and stingy an hour later.

So I have come to the conclusion that it is so difficult to keep up with the 5 a day lark when so many fruits and vegetables have a nasty nature. For example:

Oranges squirt you in the eye.

Lemons make your face look like your chewing a wasp.

Garlic always ruins that first date.

Sprouts ruin your sex life.

Onions make you look like your dog just died.

Beetroot makes you look like you have been on a murdering spree.

So I think these health people should consider the fact that, we just don’t have enough room in our handbags for safety goggles, breath freshener and rubber gloves.

March 26, 2010. Uncategorized. 3 comments.

Saturday Night Spillages

Now I know this happens to everybody, you spend all Saturday night getting ready, make-up, hair, iron your nice new dress and put those lovely new shoes on. You then go out feeling ever so glamorous, for some out of their head idiot to literally throw drink all over you.

In my case it was a full glass of Vodka and Red Bull so I ended up walking about all night stinking like a bottle of Calpol. I also had suede shoes on which are absolutely wrecked now.

After hurling a bit of abuse though, what else can you do?, because legally we can’t use violence.

I find that unless you go out in a rain-mac the best option is to just get completely drunk then you wont give a shit.

Any other suggestions?

March 19, 2010. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

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